More information about family dynamics and patterns
This information is only a summary of hidden family dynamics and patterns. It gives you an idea how family dynamics can affect your daily life.
Abortions, miscarriages, stillborn
Unborn children are part of the family system too; children that were aborted or the mother was aware of she had miscarried. It is not unheard of that the other children within the family are not being told about (previous) abortions, miscarriages and stillborn children.
The decision to have an abortion is a difficult one and it is usually a rational decision along the lines of: “It is not the right time” or “The child was likely to be abnormal…” etc. Many people realize only later what they did and say that they ‘” have murdered their own child”. This can bring on strong feelings of quilt, or anger even outrage towards the person that in a way forced them or her, no matter how subtle, to make this particular decision.
Despite the fact that the child was never really born and lived, its energy ‘lives’ on within the family and this way can have an effect on generations to come. Energy in the form of the sense of something not being talked about, something not quite right. The couple are the parents of this child too, and the unborn child is entitled to its own place within the family.
The sexual energy between the partners can be disturbed after an abortion or miscarriage. The mother might have thoughts such as ‘Will I be able to still have children?’, or ‘If I get pregnant again, will it be a healthy child?’, ‘If not, that is my punishment for what I did…’ etc. If this is the case it is possible that the child conceived after the abortion or miscarriage carries some of this energy and therefore the burden.
During family constellations there is often a sigh of relief from ‘the living’ children when the unborn or stillborn child has been put in its rightful place, and this way is made visible. The family system is now complete and everybody is in the right place. Again it is important for the parents to realize that they are the mother and father of this child as well and that by not talking about it, the child is denied its rightful place.
You might be greatly influenced by being born after the ‘missing’ child. You might not feel ‘in your place’ due to not being in the right place in your family system. This can lead to an unexplained uneasy feeling and can have its affect on your own family and at work. By putting (under guidance) you back in ‘the right place’ can end these kinds of feelings.
People often express themselves by saying: ‘I don’t feel like I belong here’, ‘I’m afraid to show myself’, ‘I have been asked for a better job, but am afraid to take it’, ‘I hardly have any contact with my family’, etc.
Deceased children leave their mark within a family. The parents’ grieve can be so strong that the relationship between the partners comes under a lot of pressure and might even end. It is said that’ the loss of your partner will leave an empty space next to you, but with the loss of a child you will lose a piece of your heart’. Usually the parents are not the same anymore as before, resulting in different behaviour and therefore different dynamics within a family.