More information about family dynamics and patternsThis information is only a summary of hidden family dynamics and patterns. It gives you an idea how family dynamics can affect your daily life.
A few basic systemic (family) principlesCarrying somebody else's burdenThe order of the family systemRoles within the familyAbortions, miscarriage,stillbornCauses of death within the familyDiseasses and illnessesImmigrationForbidden loveDivorcesReligionSexual abuse |
Roles within the familyEvery child can, out of love for the family system, take on another member’s role within the family. Suppose the mother dies and the child takes on the role of the mother subconsciously. Out of love the child ‘sacrifices’ itself in order to keep the family together or to make up for the loss the father experiences. In these cases the child and parent exchange roles within the family in a way. In other words the child no longer is in his rightful place but has taken the role and therefore place of another member.
Trading places between parents and children might not only occur when one of the parents dies but can also occur after a divorce or in a marriage that is not working. The parent might confide in the child and tell him her or his problems. Take note that not only will lose the child his place this way but will also lose his parent in a certain way. The child will remain loyal and will subconsciously have changed places with the parent. The child will take on the parental role by for example giving advice while the parent will take on the role of the child by taking advice. Often you can hear such a mother say ‘I am so close to my daughter, she is like a friend to me. We can talk about anything really’. This ‘unhealthy’ situation can lead to an extreme sense of responsibility. The child is no longer a child anymore and takes more on his shoulders usually than is necessary under the circumstances. If there are more children within the family the child could take responsibility for them too. The child, now an adult, feels suffocated by the whole situation. |