More information about family dynamics and patterns
This information is only a summary of hidden family dynamics and patterns. It gives you an idea how family dynamics can affect your daily life.
War experiences can make very deep scars in family histories. In Europe American and Canadian soldiers fought during the Second World War to liberate Europe. Civilians suffered as well and a lot of people immigrated after the war to Canada and the United States. They wanted to leave the horrible memories behind and to make a clean start, as if possible.
Ask where and when your (grand) parents were born and how old they were at the time of the Second World War. Be aware that if a person was born at a time when a country was at war, times were uncertain to say the least. This would have had a big impact on the life of that person and possibly been passed onto the next generation.
If a family (member) during wartime collaborated with the enemy this could have become one of the biggest secrets or trauma within a family. The greatest influence on a family would have been when its members were not allowed to mention it let alone talk about. They all had to pretend it never happened.
There are people who were in the resistance and collaborated with the enemy to get information to use against the enemy. After the Second World War was over some of these people were not able to explain or proof to the rest of the world what their real intentions had been. Though they had risked their lives to save other people, they were now punished by these very same people they had fought for. This person must have felt misunderstood and might have withdrawn from society or even himself. He or she might not have been able to express himself and carried the secret or feeling misunderstood with him for the rest of his life, this way passing it on to the next generation.
Wars, specially the Second World War, are making a lot of victims, some still till this very day. Children of actual war victims from wars decades ago are called ‘second generation victims’. This is caused by having a (grand)parent that either talks excessively or not at all about the war. Within families both kinds of (grand)parents are leaving their mark on the (grand)children. Suppose your mother keeps on saying “Don’t trouble your father, he has been through a lot” or “Don’t talk about the war that will only open up the wounds again’ or “He is ashamed for having collaborated with the enemy…”. What message did it send to the client as a child?
During the Second World War in Europe quite a lot of people went into hiding for all sorts of reasons such as to avoid having to go to what they called in those day ‘work camps’. The person didn’t fight for his country and other people might have considered this to be an act of cowardice, not taking his responsibility. Afterwards the person might have felt guilty and ashamed because of this or for having survived and while others didn’t. How did the family react towards going into hiding?
One of the parents having one of the above experiences could have influenced on a family greatly. What is he like with taking responsibility in life? What is his attitude towards people and power, and this attitude towards being or feeling powerless? Does he have an ‘authority problem’? What is his reaction to people who are doing something wrong? What is his reaction when he is judged by others?