Guidelines to write down your family and personal history
We rarely think about it, but every family has its own history and due to this its own dynamics. Family dynamics in the form of certain things being valued, emotions (un)allowed, things not talked about, kept secret, etc. It might have changed (sub-consciously) how you experience the world around you and how you think and/or behave and raise your children yourself.
By repeating these things or the patterns are ‘handed down’ the family line, most of the time without even realizing it. We often say “History has a way of repeating itself” but don’t realize that the way is through our families and our patterns. The same or at least similar dynamics from the past are likely to be still present in your generation by being passed on by previous generations. In one way or another these family dynamics or patterns are likely to have affected you, just as previous family members were affected by these patterns.
By writing down your family history certain patterns, if present, can become evident. If you see patterns (events, attitudes, etc. being repeated through the generations) emerging that run through your family history you might have located the origin of the attitude(s) and some convictions you hold in life towards certain things. Convictions and attitudes you might not have been previously aware of. You possibly gain insight into not only what you do but more importantly why you do what you do. You have become ‘aware’ and this gives you the opportunity to be able to really start to change some of your thoughts and as a result actions. Insight will be a pre-requisite for personal growth and transforming (parts of) yourself.
The topics below are given as a guide line on what to look for and what to write down. Try to gather as many of the topics as possible and to include all relevant information, no matter how small. If in doubt of his relevance please include it just be concise but complete. The research and writing it all down can be a lot of work and you should allow yourself plenty of time. It will be time well invested. You might have to contact some relatives (if this is still possible) or other people to get the information needed. Please note that unknown to you, you might be dealing with delicate and sensitive matters, try to be as tactful and diplomatic as you can while asking others questions.
The easiest way to write down the family history is to start with your grandparents on both sides. This might proof near impossible due to them having passed away but try to remember as much as possible. If possible consult aunts and uncles or brothers and sisters as they might be able to remember things. They could also have additional information. Please write down as much as you can, even though it might not seem important at the time.
As far as the writing itself is concerned, see what way you like best. A short list with facts is fine, with some additional information. When in doubt put it in. You thought about it, so it must be relevant! Go as far back in history as you can but make sure the reader (your life coach or counsellor) knows who you are talking about, by mentioning at least the first and last name of the person. With eight (great) grandparents their original family name and the family name one level down or something of the kind could be an idea. Another possibility is drawing a schematic family tree simply on a piece of paper with first and last names as the reader can refer to this if need be. As long as things are clear.
Topics to look for while gathering information for the family history:
Parents and grandparents
- Family composition
- Abortions, miscarriages and stillborn children
- Year person was born and died if applicable
- Cause of death of family members (suicides, murders, timely deaths)
- Diseases and illnesses
- Emigration (reason for emigrating)
- (grand) parents with different nationalities
- Circumstances of grand(parents) when they met
- Living circumstances (poor, rich, etc)
- First (forbidden or lost) love of mother or father
- Social status (occupation: labourer, doctor etc.)
- Divorces (make note of your age at the time)
- Religion (including the degree of strictness)
- Sexual abuse (victim and/or perpetrator, incest, rape, etc)
- Emotional and physical abuse
- Addictions to substances (drugs, alcohol, pills etc.)
- Psychological problems within the family
- Existence (suspicion of) of family secret (illegitimate children, sexual abuse, criminal activities, etc)
- War experiences
Personal history including your own (started) family
If it is easier for you divide and describe your life in blocs of seven years, 0-7, 8-14 years etc.
- Family composition
- Abortions, miscarriages and stillborn children
- Death of one or more brothers and sisters, children
- Circumstances of your own birth (hospital, at home, complications, etc.)
- Experience of your place within the family
- Diseases and illnesses (long term hospitalization at an early age, illnesses etc.)
- Description of your experience of diseases and illnesses in the family
- School experiences (in particular any outstanding facts such as results, bullying etc.).
- The role of sex in your life (first sexual experience, sexual preference, if and the way it was talked about at
home, if applicable).
- Hobbies (as a child and as a grown-up)
- Work experiences (general outline and outstanding facts)
- Financial position (as a child and adult): possible problems such as bankruptcy, gambling addiction and how, if at all, it was solved.
- Circumstances of and the way you met your (previous) partner(s)
- If applicable marital and divorce experiences
- Circumstances of the birth of any children and your experience of these births.
- The relationship with your parents, brothers and sisters, your own children
- Parallels between your life, your parents and brothers and sisters lives
So far your personal history, maybe at this point you can already see patterns emerging linked to your family history. Becoming aware of patterns allows you, if you want to, to break the pattern(s).
Do you want to know more about your family dynamics? Book an appointment today, live or by Skype! Don't wait any longer ... pick up the phone or send an email, see our contact page.
By repeating these things or the patterns are ‘handed down’ the family line, most of the time without even realizing it. We often say “History has a way of repeating itself” but don’t realize that the way is through our families and our patterns. The same or at least similar dynamics from the past are likely to be still present in your generation by being passed on by previous generations. In one way or another these family dynamics or patterns are likely to have affected you, just as previous family members were affected by these patterns.
By writing down your family history certain patterns, if present, can become evident. If you see patterns (events, attitudes, etc. being repeated through the generations) emerging that run through your family history you might have located the origin of the attitude(s) and some convictions you hold in life towards certain things. Convictions and attitudes you might not have been previously aware of. You possibly gain insight into not only what you do but more importantly why you do what you do. You have become ‘aware’ and this gives you the opportunity to be able to really start to change some of your thoughts and as a result actions. Insight will be a pre-requisite for personal growth and transforming (parts of) yourself.
The topics below are given as a guide line on what to look for and what to write down. Try to gather as many of the topics as possible and to include all relevant information, no matter how small. If in doubt of his relevance please include it just be concise but complete. The research and writing it all down can be a lot of work and you should allow yourself plenty of time. It will be time well invested. You might have to contact some relatives (if this is still possible) or other people to get the information needed. Please note that unknown to you, you might be dealing with delicate and sensitive matters, try to be as tactful and diplomatic as you can while asking others questions.
The easiest way to write down the family history is to start with your grandparents on both sides. This might proof near impossible due to them having passed away but try to remember as much as possible. If possible consult aunts and uncles or brothers and sisters as they might be able to remember things. They could also have additional information. Please write down as much as you can, even though it might not seem important at the time.
As far as the writing itself is concerned, see what way you like best. A short list with facts is fine, with some additional information. When in doubt put it in. You thought about it, so it must be relevant! Go as far back in history as you can but make sure the reader (your life coach or counsellor) knows who you are talking about, by mentioning at least the first and last name of the person. With eight (great) grandparents their original family name and the family name one level down or something of the kind could be an idea. Another possibility is drawing a schematic family tree simply on a piece of paper with first and last names as the reader can refer to this if need be. As long as things are clear.
Topics to look for while gathering information for the family history:
Parents and grandparents
- Family composition
- Abortions, miscarriages and stillborn children
- Year person was born and died if applicable
- Cause of death of family members (suicides, murders, timely deaths)
- Diseases and illnesses
- Emigration (reason for emigrating)
- (grand) parents with different nationalities
- Circumstances of grand(parents) when they met
- Living circumstances (poor, rich, etc)
- First (forbidden or lost) love of mother or father
- Social status (occupation: labourer, doctor etc.)
- Divorces (make note of your age at the time)
- Religion (including the degree of strictness)
- Sexual abuse (victim and/or perpetrator, incest, rape, etc)
- Emotional and physical abuse
- Addictions to substances (drugs, alcohol, pills etc.)
- Psychological problems within the family
- Existence (suspicion of) of family secret (illegitimate children, sexual abuse, criminal activities, etc)
- War experiences
Personal history including your own (started) family
If it is easier for you divide and describe your life in blocs of seven years, 0-7, 8-14 years etc.
- Family composition
- Abortions, miscarriages and stillborn children
- Death of one or more brothers and sisters, children
- Circumstances of your own birth (hospital, at home, complications, etc.)
- Experience of your place within the family
- Diseases and illnesses (long term hospitalization at an early age, illnesses etc.)
- Description of your experience of diseases and illnesses in the family
- School experiences (in particular any outstanding facts such as results, bullying etc.).
- The role of sex in your life (first sexual experience, sexual preference, if and the way it was talked about at
home, if applicable).
- Hobbies (as a child and as a grown-up)
- Work experiences (general outline and outstanding facts)
- Financial position (as a child and adult): possible problems such as bankruptcy, gambling addiction and how, if at all, it was solved.
- Circumstances of and the way you met your (previous) partner(s)
- If applicable marital and divorce experiences
- Circumstances of the birth of any children and your experience of these births.
- The relationship with your parents, brothers and sisters, your own children
- Parallels between your life, your parents and brothers and sisters lives
So far your personal history, maybe at this point you can already see patterns emerging linked to your family history. Becoming aware of patterns allows you, if you want to, to break the pattern(s).
Do you want to know more about your family dynamics? Book an appointment today, live or by Skype! Don't wait any longer ... pick up the phone or send an email, see our contact page.